When I go to concerts, I usually write stuff in a pocket book. My original pocket book has gone missing. Sigh. Now I've decided to archive most of it here in case it disappears or if I disappear ( M A N I F E S T I N G).
If I write "redacted" anywhere, it means something should be there but I chose to omit it for some reason. Here's the fun part. At an undisclosed time, anything redacted will eventually be written in full. You just need to be patient hee hee.
Also, a lot of the ideas will be, "incomplete." I am only typing what's written and will sparingly provide context if absolutely needed.
As of 10/17/25 I have mastered the art of making links! To read an entry, please click a link. I kind of liked keeping things in a sprawl but it was kinda starting to piss me off. ACL Night 2 was the last straw because that mofo is looooong.
I'm not a big trigger warning person but I will mention self-harm and suicide A Lot. Like, as I'm writing this I am kind of shocked I would even write out some of this.
Final chance at redemption.
Sego currently shares a spot with Warpaint for worst concert of the year. It was a group effort. The heat, the lackluster performance by Warpaint, and the drunk annoying lady in the crowd.
I will send a threatening message to encourage Sego.
This is the worst I have ever felt in my body. I can't keep living like this. My mind, mentally, feels strong. The best its felt in a long time. Now I need to finish the job.
First group. Plain clothes. Dayjoy. Weak banter, strong opening song. Cold weather song not bad.
Day Joy pass ✅
Gender ambigious person wearing a "Cool cat loves you," shirt. Very nice.
La la's (maybe la ka's? the writing is tough to read.)
(redacted)
Nightosphere pretty good. May check out their stuff later
When they switched their guitars, the notes soured a bit. Intentional???
Anything is legal in the future.
The bugs that are struggling are the ones that are still alive.
The code is espacio negro
Dueling Ice Cream Trucks.
Gothic Tunes
Currently standing next to someone so beautiful. My heart may explode. Beautiful nails. cool. Poppy 2021 shirt. Cool makeup. I wish I could have the courage to give a compliment. Why is my brain like this?
They had a beautiful rose hand/arm tattoos. They also had a burn scar on their hand. I found it to be beautiful. I wanted to plant a kiss on it. I am going insane.
I am surrounded by beauty. If beauty surrounds me, does that mean...
Nick is going to be here with his gf.
Invisible in a sea of people. Peace, at last, no one can percieve me. Not even me.
Its so tiring to live in a body you hate.
Someone has cologne that smells like my first year of community college.
I saw a familiar face though I am confident they didn't see me or rather, did not recognize the me I have become.I think they would hate me. I would hate me if I were them. But I think of them to be strong and to hate me would be an act of weakness, or so I think.
NEGGY GEMMY IS GOD AND I NEVER want to see the name, "Carl," in my life.
Mr. Taylor's late as usual.
Te veo. Espero que no me ves.
GEORGE CLANTON BIT SNORT'S HEAD OFF AND THREW THE BODY INTO THE AUDIENCE. That's okay. I have the head. As long as I have the head, I can rebuild my friend.
Make the Snort Zine or else*...
*else pending
X____________ (there is a signature on the line shown)
Bad news, Nate will, as well as his GF, be unavailable tomorrow.
Lots of (redacted) audience members.
Trying to read. So tired. Sleepy.
Ginger Root killed it. He won the audience over with ease. So proud of him.
Cute hairstyle. "mickey mouse."
What we levitating?
Wait! Is it levitation or Psych fest? or both? Am I stupid? Should I kill myself?
Person next to me has a cool hat with cool patterns. Idea?
Stong green stipes.
Someone's earrings look like a keychain. Mucho cool
I remain worried I will see someone I recognize. See someone who hates me.
How much longer must I carry this fear? And what happens when its realized? One of my biggest fears was losing nicole and that was realized. And I lived, and lived.
I get scared of losing my other close friends.
I love Stef. I love Kaitlyn. I care about Stef. I care about Kaitlyn.
I hope we stay friends for a while.
(illegible) abundance. How long will it be this good? When will we lose it all?
Godspeed You! Black Emperor left me in shambles
No luck again in getting anyone to join me. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.
Throat is dead today. Cannot speak. I dearly wish to speak again.
Dreary day to be a Spellling fan.
The angels! One white, one black. So cool! I should make an outfit someday!
I always think of Joe Frazier but George Foreman would be cool too.
I am still hoping not to be recognized. At least, by the wrong people, who I must remind myself, do not know they are the wrong people. Who have never acted like the wrong people in any plane of reality that exists beyond my imagination. Still, I sparingly look around. Protect me angels.
A lot of people here look like Bre. I hope they're doing okay these days.
Last year they were really struggling. I helped, and helped, and continued to help despite feeling used.
I hope they're doing okay.
I cannot speak because my throat is acting up. Okay monkey's paw, we get it.
Smoking Keyboard, Mucho Jazz.
SMUT. Strong opening.
No sleeping on them.
Say it without saying it. Remember that?
What does a Spellling fan look like? Very goth. Was that to be expected?
Got a setlist. Nothing left to prove.
We lived.
tia Stef/tio Bill
Cynthia-Cool
Ralph, we meet at last.
THis is nice.
This is real nice
I'm happy for you, Kaitlyn.
Pleasantly surprised how I ended up here by chance.
Life is funny like that.
Not doing a lot of talking
I haven't checked my stocks once today.
That's how you know its a good day.
Kaitlyn's grandpa appreciates us being good company to Kaitlyn.
(a crude drawing labelled, "Halfway eaten artisan spread ball from the sharkcoochie plate")
(a detailed drawing of six shrimp tails evenly alligned to form a star. The label reads, "Totally not racist Shrimp tail star! Deluxe!")
1-4
Texican Manchaca
Saturday!
Update: It's 1:03, I have arrived at the Texican!Kaitlyn has a lot of family here. Ralph was the first person I saw.
Kaitlyn is currently taking pictures with her folks.
There's even a professional photographer.
How cool!!!
The grandparents have a cute ribbon that read, "grandparent" (on the page is a crudly drawn ribbon)
The platform makes Kaitlyn look tall.
At least 50 people here.
My lip was kinda quivering during Kaitlyn's speech. Good thing she kept it brief. I would have cried. (to the left of the page is a crudly drawn face with a squiggly mouth meant to represent my lip quivering from holding back tears)
Enjoy things in the moment.
Cynthia has the same leather bracelet with studs. Damn. 30 bucks went a long way back then.
Nike SB
Airforce/comfiest
Rembrandt, Nightwatch
Peace Palace/Amsterdan
Green Peace, Anne Frank
I got really sad when they started talking about date rape. I thought about someone close to me. I love him so much and wish everyday that didn't happen.
Albert Vegas Melting Pot
Canada Glacier Water
Manifest it
Ask why.
Moment
Bigger then
Long Run
Hot/Peace Palace
Takes a village
Take streets end
PCA dome
Gary Clark
Full Circle, Outcast
Gorrilaz Gorilaz? Dan, doodle
Melancholy hill
Visuals stunning as the music is.
Public Health
Twice (redacted)
(redacted) has been good to her.
The good people in her life have had a profound impact on her.
Opener isn't half bad.
Okay, I think he's quite good.
The audience is a bit elderly, so its tough to make them fully engage, but he is trying.
Overall, pretty good. Love me some good guitar work.
Today has been tough on me.
All day I've been thinking of cutting my disgusting stomach, cutting my grotesque arms, and even going as far as to (illegible). I am not okay right now.
I don't know how much longer I can resist this.
I am seriously stressed out over this.
(redacted, wow, this is honestly really sad to read)
(redacted, this somehow makes the previous statement worse and more sad)
God fucking damn I love Samantha Fish's playing.
Kingfish is honestly on another level. I wish more people knew about him.
(the following two pages contain crude sketches of Kingfish ranging from awful to not-bad.)
Bonus Levels
You're going to have to try.
Will it take? There's only one way to find out.
Setting on Fire
Thursday, 1-3/(redacted)
Think of the perfect excuse
Wednesday "Molly"
Hmmmm
Angels? Hmm. Maybe.
Joe Frazier. Ugly!
"Big Fish" Theory/Book?Ted Talk
Its your duty to turn bad into good.
Pain is probably woke for productivity.
death picnic
What does love mean to you?
The hate veins, the hate power can be interconnected. That would be way funnier.
"Transcendental Meditation"
Get help you fucking (illegible but I most likely wrote, "faggot." This is self-referential of course. I save the meanest things for me)
Did I lock my car? Did I lock my car? Did I lock my car? Did I lock my car?
Yum shot
Snooki, hungover
drank shot
"yum"
Who is, "you know who?" I speak in so much innuendo about so many people, its kind of hard to say who tbh.
James Beige shirt, brown hat
Abel/Maggie/black dress, big guy and girlfriend
Main Squeeze. Tasty, sweet.
That's the weird/cool thing about having friends, you never know where it takes you.
Fancy menu. I have no doubt I will enjoy everything but at these prices, I should really order one.
The chicken and waffles. They call to me.
Nothing is particularly good and vegan. It can be vegan, but barely skirts past being good. It can be good but its in no way vegan. Many such cases.
Disturing lack of tomatoes in this burger menu.
I'm closing up a bit but I am genuinely tired. Donating platlets will do that sometimes.
I already see Alejando. I don't believe he recognizes me these days as Whenever I shout him out in public, it falls on deaf ears. Or maybe he's deaf. We haven't (illegible) up in so long its not entirely out of the picture. A lot can change in five years. I mean, if I can't (redacted) in a reasonable timeframe, I'll surely get a cockring and nipple tattoos.
Wait, did I just mention, *that*??? That's partially one of he underlying reasons I hate my body but this is not something I really like to share. It's like nursing. "When's it going to happen?" "How far along are you?" Gurl, get off my back! Its a long, difficult, and most importantly, expensive process. It will happen when it happens!
It's 6:07. They say if he's 15 minutes late we can leave early. Heh.
Remember, this is not about you. If your stupid brain does act up, make sure to give him the gift before leaving and self-loathing.
(redacted) is good people. I'm not sure if we ever hit it off bad prior. I am competitive, that is part of my appeal, but I think he's good people.
(redacted) or however you spell his name, has arrived.
He's definetly one of the, "bigger" guests so its cool he made time to show up.
Alejandro saw me at Chat Pile which means he likely saw my best friend. Or maybe not. It was quite nippy so she did head for something warmer.
(redacted) says I should be over more, like, in general. Birthday boy was under the impression I hated him. So not the case, but I can be cold. I should be less cold.
This may sound silly but , I really feel compelled to tell (redacted) where I am and that I'm having a good time. She needs space right now, so I won't.
We'll be okay. I don't completely understand what she's going through, but I want her to be okay.
shhhhhhhhhh
We are patiently waiting for Karaoke
Karaoke
Karaoke
I wanna sing Under Pressure, Without You, Chance, Angel Olsen
The guys are taking too long
Can't find Snort! Did he run away? Should I kill myself?!!!
I have been looking forward to this night for quite a bit.
I was really losing hope it would happen for a moment.
I hope Stef is doing okay. I hope she's playing music with her friends and making new ones. I hope she's closer to okay.
Red lights. Mucha gente.
I don't believe I will ever get over the feeling of soul crushing loneliness while surrounded by people. Skill issue, skill issue, skill issue.
(setlist for fav songs followed by doodles)
She removed the flower and drank from the bottle lol
Que hermosisimo
Damn. She's so good.
Espero que yo sabia mas espano(illegible)
Originally, this was set to take place at Stubbs. Now its taking place at Emo's due to rain.
There is no rain. Score one for panicking. Hell, give one to the C.I.A too.
Shirt reads, "I eat pussy like a fat kid eats cake."
Brown shirt, white text.
This Billie Martin fella is not too bad.
Billie Martin did a pregnancy fake out.
I was already a fan from the first few songs but this solidified it. Also new album out 07/19/25.
Right before Tennis took the stage a girl fell down. Not passed out, just fell. She was complaining the whole time about standing and perhaps had enough. Her friends helped her out and people gave her space. Good.
No offense but I really wanted to record the opening song, "I'll Haunt You," more than I wanted to go (illegible. The word is either near or help) her.
Maybe I am a bad person.
After the show ended, me and some girl found a debit card on the floor. We promptly handed it over to the bar. I already have my own money. I don't need someone else's.
That was a special night.
I'm so glad I got to see Tennis perform at least once.
Morbid curiosity sells I guess.
The seat I scored was fantastic btw. This is the lowest and closest I have ever sat in the Moody Center so far.
Why are people bringing kids. Do they not know what this group is famous/infamous for?
A lot of the top middle sections has been blocked off. Are they not that popular? Hmmm.
I've been practing my coping mechanisms my therapist shows me yesterday. They seem to be helping. I'm not happy with how my disgusting stomach looks, but I was able to stop the spiral mid-spiral while changing today. That's nuts!!!
Shades cannot be fixed; color is eternally, at the mercy of light. Pg. 967
In the pit there is a shirtless muscular man dancing. He's so beautiful I think I might die. What are these feelings? I never used to have these.
I told Kaitlyn after this I would continue my efforts to get better. I want to get better. I need to stop letting everyone around me down.
Decently long line. I don't want to do this every time but come on. Guess what kind of people are here.
Lots of unique styles here, very young to boot. I'm near the front row. I must hold for Pacing.
Lots of people here have embraced the art of adding patches to clothes. Unique! Rough! I love it!
I saw a guy in a white (redacted) shirt. I have no room to judge. I went to that show and it was beautiful. Like visually but also emotionally.
I am wearing my special occassion Red Silk Scarf and extinct TIger short sleeve button up. The silk is slippery and Snort is having trouble balancing.
Side note: I forgot my notebook so I am writing these on envelopes. Once I get home I will transer the notes, then recycle responsibly.
Guy behind me is (illegilble) I'm not even that tall so anyone at 6ft is basically a giant.
Pacing's sound pedal board thing is made of a book. "Architecture in the 20th Century." Some people groan at quirk and to those people I say, "FUCK YOU!!! KILL YOURSELF!! STOP RUINING EVERYONE'S FUN!!!" Anyways, I personally love the book board. Cute!!
To be continued
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T BRING STUFFED ANIMALS WHAT KIND OF STUPID DUMB FUCK RULE IS THAT??
This fucking dump isn't good enough to make those fucking rules
GOD FUCKING DAMN I HOPE THIS UGLY FUCKING HALL BURNS TO THE FUCKING GROUND.
There is nothing here worth saving.
"Two people on a staircase."
MSPAINT makes music to stand maotionless to with locked knees to for 30 minutes until they leave or you pass out.
I'm not hard to impress but everyone cannot be a winner.
Blades of Glory. Napolean Dyanamite.
There is a reason I'm writing this.
"No moshing in here."
"No fighting in here."
Wow, this place genuinely fucking sucks.
I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm cranky. Get this bum off the stage and bring out Poppy already!!!!! 😡😡😡😡
He got kinda good near the end but mother of god this mixing is attrocious but hey, at least there's no stuffed animals to ruin things. MOTHERFUCKER.
Graciously, it's over.
Making my way downtown
(illegible) the hood.
Dying wish
NOW THAT IS WHAT I'M FUCKING TALKING ABOUT FUCK YEAH!
I love u Poppy.
3rd concert this week.
Snarf's with the Kick John Mayer in the Nuts Club! Let's fucking get it!
Oh god, too much Snarf's.
I am sexy today. I feel like I must be whore tonite.
(illegible) def got me very warmed up.
I love dancing. I love moving.
Snort loves dancing. Snort loves moving.
Tonight we become party animals
Shake it like a polaroid picture.
Too much to move! We have been very lizard, very hot tonight
Today is Marina's birthday. She turns 40.
Late start to concert. Fatigue is setting in.
A lot of people, no surprise there.
Lack of organization getting in, a little surprise there. I figured they would have this down by now, no?
Finally made it past security. Merch frst.
I'm a whore for merch. Also, tbh, not missing much now.
Wearing lotsa sunscreen.
Alice Longyu Gao hat, protect me.
To reimburse me for the tickets yesterday, Nate paid for my JVB shirt and sick wristband.
Cage the Elephant, they are a lot of fun!!!
Empire of the Sun. Holy Shit! That's what they sound like?!?! That was awesome!
This spot is as good as it gets for Hozier. I will not move from here.
I am really enjoying this.
I will admit, I do like some chaos. It makes me feel alive.
Sweating, moving, bumping, this is what the meat machine was made for.
I have never seen or heard of Hozier before.
The alternative is Luke Combs and you can probably guess how I feel about that.
I hope Hozier impresses because I cannot stay here if he doesn't.
Will def check out Empire of the Sun in the future.
Flag reads, "I'm bacon." In 2025? Grow up kid.
This is their final US show. What. Real shit? You can't leave me after enriching me like this! How dare you spoil me with a good time.
Fatigue setting in.
So. So. eepy.
Grace Yoon
Stevie Wonder cello lord
Bootleg St. Vincent
There's this guy really into Hozier. Its cute, he's cute. Oh god. Why can't I stop this thinking??
He did the take me to church amen song??? I had no idea. I never put two and two together.
The end was nice and wholesome. I had a good time.
Not sure if I may see Ryan tomorrow but it sure would be nice.
Many hot dog carts wait outside. The peppers and grilled onions made my knees weak. Their smell is the most intoxicating when hungry.
I also saw a vegan protest sign outside the gate. I appreciate the effort but its hard to make a heathen care about much. Especially at ACL. Perhaps it may have stopped a few hot dog sales. Who's to say. I'm not broke , but a wiener would be unwise right now.
This may take the bus a while before I am retieved.
I'm in no hurry. I am happy and at peace.
What a manuver lol. This is why I wan't to be in a bus. These people are crazy.
Walking through Lamar. Potential building. Unless.
"Let's all go swimming."
Contempt, pity. A job is a job but why are they...
"No turning back now."
Its all so new
Selfless bag lady. Nobody is wrong but everyone feels the growing tension.
Me and Snort successfully danced our asses off at Joey Valence and Brae, again.
There was more wiggle room so I made sure to bust my ass double hard.
Ryan is preoccupied with someone else.
That's fine.
Bitch
jk
Marina will be out but I already saw her. Not a good excuse since I already saw Joey Valence and Brae and currently waiting to see Japanese Breakfast but you know what, leave me alone.
Wait, Diane Keaton died? What the fuck? Why would you kill the vibe bro?
Oh it's an interview. Okay. Might be cool.
If the desire is there you will make time for it.
Supposed to be the last one.
Psychopomp.
Ad space. A job you're paid to be noticed, liked, hated.
Sometimes it just hasn't fallen in the right hands.
9 months of failure.
"It just takes that one person."
Do you really believe in your work? You should, but sometimes the right person hasn't seen it.
He passed away? Where?
Feel alone.
Subconsciously reach out.
We all do it
We all don't talk about it
Lucky outlet
Grief takes time, duh.
Its been 11 years, she misses her.
Its a good thing to have access to the hurt. Not having it is worse.
Pre-mom/post-mom dying
Noonchi???
Korean??? To anticipate sonmeone's feelings/intentions so you can prepare for your actions
Noon-I
Shrooms? Inspiring?
Rigid.
Has an expectation of output.
Doesn't feel in touch with body or spiritual.
Jubilee/Posing for
not private, pose, we def aren't on drugs
is this what it takes to enjoy the day?
Paprika
Is this what it takes to enjoy the day?
Astrology-fake
Psycology-fake?
logically, she doesn't know.
You have to leave room for mystery.
Real shit. Wow.
What's next?
Not much, but its coming.
Surround yourself with good people.
Good noonchi, not too much.
Magdalena Bay coming SOON.
I actually really liked that Japanese Breakfast interview with Michelle Zauner.
Snort is staring daggers at a man with a, "George Clanton 2025," shirt. He doesn't forget.
"The 6-7 guy did a moshpit?"
Worst sentence I heard today.
Still no Ryan. That's fine.
I may need to rent a charger soon.
I can hear Marina from here. Lovely stuff.
She's DOING PRIMADONNA AHHHH.
Parts of Magdalena Bay audience singing it. They know ball.
I'm enjoying today so far.
Waiting for the bus. May as well jot some notes to fill in the gap.
Some stupid fake gangster tough guy is pacing the area.
(redacted)
He abrubtly leaves after finding out he's waiting for the wrong bus lol. lol.
20,716 steps
As of 11:45pm, that's the amount of steps I've taken today.
My hope for a bus arriving has grown dim.
Should a bus not arrive I fear I will have to make the 5+ mile walk home.
If I find a scooter or bike, it looks like I will have to learn today.
Depressing realization I have no one to turn to.
I should work on that.
11:49, at my darkest hour, the #3 bus arrives. Sitting has never felt so good. A secret luxary.
My phone is almost dead.
I have become way too close to being cooked tonight.
I never did meet up with Ryan. Pity, but those are the breaks sometimes.
11:52 pm, 1120 calories burned. Everything consumed today has been burned. Awesome.
7.67 miles
Normally, for festivals, I count each performance as a show to pad out my tier-list.
I cannot do that today.
The top ten/fifteen would be mostly occupied by today. If I'm being honest, it barely beats Justice with Marie Davidson as the opener.