I hate my face. I hate my body. I hate being alive. This project is an attempt to explore the thing I hate so deeply. Perhaps even overcome this hatred.Each month I would explore a little bit of myself. Lots of this correlates to state of mind, which seemed to consitently be in a bad spot.
After April, the project didn't see its conclusion. I am simply not strong enough to follow-through with this. I want to peel my skin off whenever I see my fat, ugly, disgusting face. I don't have to love it and I don't want to love it. I will go to the grave hating my face. I don't care. I want every useless part of it to die.
Had I continued, I did want to make a definitive piece addressing my scars. I also wanted to make a cute pride month piece but pride month seems to always trigger a blackhole loneliness within me that doesn't subside until the month's end. As I've come to explore independent of this project, my orientation is arguably the least important part about me. November I wanted to draw me sitting in a chair with a worried look and December would have the same shot wrapped in plastic and presumably blood, a violent echo. Of course, these ideas can always be saved for later.
There will be highs and lows to this playlist. The lows will be particularly low.
I resent having to capture myself every year, but if I don't, no one will.