Quick one today.
I read through this page and the concert notes and I read some to Kaitlyn earlier today and again, quite shocking how much I changed.
I read her things about her graduation and she was quite tickled by it.
I'm about to get off work to get vaccinated and my gmail sent me something from my insurance about suicide prevention and all the signs. Like, literally all of them were present in this journal up until I actually got professional help. What the fuck? BlueCross BlueShield better pay up but its an insuarance company so they'll likely drag their feet as long as possible. In all seriousness though, I'm glad I have better management over the super depressed part of me that wants to self-harm and kill myself constantly. Like, I felt I had a responsibility to vanish so my friends could make space for better people in their lives. That sounds so crazy to type out but that's what I used to believe. I don't know if I even am, "better people," but I want to try harder these days. IDK.
Eight days until the canon event. I'm a little nervous. Its not that I think I'll die or anything. Its just all so new.