The movie, graciously, did not show "It's Such a Beautiful Day." I think I was just lying to make myself feel better. I was not ready if it happened. Anyways, before the Animation Mixtape started, I had to run to the restroom. Snort protected my spot. I saw a familiar looking dude on my way over. When I return to the seat I see the familiar dude head to the stage so I slow down so I don't look creepy since I'm heading to the front too. I get to my spot and son of a bitch it was Don Hertzfeldt. When I saw him in 2018 he was also wearing green pants. Could they be the same pair. Possibly? At the end of his opening speech, he went,"Last, and I promise you its the least. I've been getting some mixed receptions for my short. I just wanted to tell you, its a joke. Its a joke. Guys, its a joke. Its a joke." I hope you know he's prepared some funny bullshit with an opening like that. Apparently this opening is only availible to live audiences. It won't go on vimeo or youtube or be added as a special feature. Unless someone records it in theaters like an ill-mannered baboon, its born to be lost.
The opening gag is perfect in a sense because it only makes sense in animated form. It doesn't work if I type it out or draw it. That said, it features Don's popcorn cloud looking guys, two of them. They're whooping and cheering. ANd they're doing that with intermittent pauses along with them interupting each other with more cheers for about two minutes straight. Classy. They then embrace the new world of AI and they turn into an embodiment of wool, black bones, teeth and blood. Each incarnation is more horrifying than the last and their voices are scrambled and no doubt in pain. There's yellow captions at the bottom but much like anything AI generated, its little help. The animation mixtape starts.
The idea of the Animation Mixtape is that Don has been spoon-fed a bunch of animated shorts and he tries to feed us mama-bird style all the good ones. Basically what I do when I make a mixtape. Its a labor of love to find gems people may not have found otherwise. Also, here's the thing. A lot of this stuff is availble online already for easy viewing, but that's the special part of a mixtape. It features other new perspectives and ideas I would have never found on my own. I enjoyed it to say the least. If I had to show someone something from this Mixtape, The Big Snit is number one. The Flying Sailor is at a close second. Both were super close to making my eyes bump up the waterworks.
After the event I took a few pictures with Snort outside and went home. I contemplated picking up fast food but then I remembered I don't actually like it that much and I especially don't like how it makes me feel. Reminds me of alcohol to a degree.
Oh right. I finished my super project. I don't want to write an entry this year because, well, if you read my log this far you basically understand what its about. It's an active struggle, but it's not in vain. I felt quite satisfied with the end result.
This would mark the first time since 🐧2021🐧 that I've attempted to do a project on my face again. I am more comfortable with it now. Last year I had to work in small intervals because I would scratch my arms from the stress/anxiety it produced so again, progress has been made. 😊
I mention in the post that Stef partitally inspired the painting style and she did, well, we did. One of the first few paint sessions we had, I decided to use purple and orange to paint her. The purple was the darks and the orange was the lights. She was focused on her painting so I only captured the top of her head looking down. It was kind of funny. The painting was fast since the elements were actively fighting us between the bugs and the sun. I wasn't too happy with it at the time, but my view on it has softened. While getting some bristol paper to start the super project, I did see that painting sitting in my portfolio. I never had the heart to get rid of it. I liked the quick movement to it, this rawness, the idea of trying to capture the essentials, and yeah. That's what really helped me cultivate the final look to it. I think we saw a man walking a chubby little dog that day and that was also a highlight. I also still have a painting where there's an abstract dog shape in each corner meant to resemble the cubby little dog. That painting did not yield me inspiration so I opted not to mention it. Sorry dog!! 🥲🥲🥲
Something happened over the weekened that's left me with a lot of anxiety to unravel. Normally I would deactivate my accounts and vanish but I do not want to do that anymore. I do not want to keep restarting every time I am close to getting better. I will sit with this awful feeling and I will come out and it will die.
Quick note about writing: after reviewing more, I've noticed the self-deprecation is nearly gone. Its, as they say, taken to rust, its out of practice. While writing has been helpful, I think its truly beneficial when I'm actively making sure I don't reinforce bad habits. While you won't see me actively loving myself in writing, I won't be kicking myself either to the extent I was. 10/04/23 was possibly the nastiest verison of it and I only did that because I hurt someone I cared deeply about. Upon reflection, I don't think she would have appreciated me being so mean to myself as collateral. Sigh, live and learn I suppose.
Kaitlyn, Colorado friend, and Nate from the Kick John Mayer in the nuts club have been so helpful during this time. I did talk it over and I will be cancelling next week's therapy appointment. I've reached a plateau and its up to me now to make more progress. I want to get better more than anything. I want to make more art and learn more and maybe make a song. I feel so stupid because I've only known how to play a clarinet prior but damnit I will learn and make a song.