Big Week? Maybe. But before I talk about that, I need to talk about last week, or Saturday to be specific. I did go to the game convention after all. Security seemed heavier than previous years. I wonder what spurred that on. Brian didn't know either and he has a pulse on that scene the most. There were a few moments where panic started to seep in regarding my body but I practiced more of those techniques my therapist told me about and it was able to dispell those effects. So cool! It doesn't really change the reality of the situation, but it makes living in it much more manageable. Previously I would have scratched my arms or stomach until it bled in order to emotionally regulate. That's not healthy, but back then it felt right. Some days I would do a singular long, deep scratch if I was feeling overwhelmed. Again, not lately. I didn't really meet anyone this time but I was able to have a few chats about fire emblem with some people before abrubtly leaving for one reason or another. I think it was a success overall. It was also my mom's birthday. She planned on hiding in Austin to avoid people. We watched a few episodes of Wife Swap and there was a really funny one with a spiritual vegan family and a cowboy conservative family. I lost my shit so hard when the vegan husband threw his cheeseburger over the balcony. Like, he got an incredible amount of distance with the throw too! Burger-tastic!!! Butterball came too but when my mom took him down he "screamed." Some days he's okay to pick up and some days he'll "Scream." I found that out by accidentally dropping him after it happened. (I mean, he wanted to go down so I obliged????!!!!) Due to this, my mom decided to head back to San Marcos early for reasons. Mostly Butterball adjacent reasons.
Today is Cindy's birthday. She's a member of the Kick John Mayer in the Nuts club and a friend. I hope she had a good birthday! I should make her a mixtape one of these days.
On July 31st The Naked Gun movie comes out and me and Kaitlyn plan to see it. We already caught up on the first three movies. We haven't seen "Police Squad," yet but I'm sure we are sufficently caught up.
Earlier in the day I dreamed I was walking through Joann's, my old job. I could hear Stella going "Tee Hee," through the empty aisles. She's the only person I know who does that. The shelves were all empty. There wasn't a scarp a fabric, a speck of glitter, or a sheet of paper left. For some reason, I got on top of the cutting table and started to meditate. The air grew cold, and I could feel shadowy, dense figures in the shape of my coworkers (the ones I like) surround me. When I opened my eyes, nothing was there. When i woke up I made sure to tell Stella. As usual, she was babysitting lol.
On saturday and sunday its Summerslam. Two beautiful nights of beautiful wrestling. I for one am excited!
I saw a tiktok yesterday about suicide awareness. It was reposted by this dude that does livestreams of classic Mario Party, he's a real sweetheart of a guy. It was the usual emotional speech where it talks about how many things will be unchanged, life will go on, but the people you left behind will be deeply hurt. I know I'm getting mentally better, but I don't believe my absence would really be all that impactful. Maybe I should do something about that. Hmmm.