I spent a fun weekend with Kaitlyn. We saw a lot of Mike Tyson Mysteries and the last two Naked Gun movies. We are now prepped for the new Naked Gun movie. We also did get to visit and antique sale where I found some valuable fabric. I will use it with the love and care it deserves. While I did enjoy my time with her and her cats, I think, for this week at least, I really need to catch up on some basic maintenance at my house like, cleaning, folding, maybe sweeping and mopping. Dishes are already done. My garden is basically on auto-pilot by design so no worries there.
Unless the perks are particularly good in August, I think I may be done donating platlets. I hope my blood went somewhere good. mama coyotes have permission to use my blood to feed their baby. They would probably sip it out the pouch like a capri-sun.
I told myself for pride month I wanted to read one pride adjacent/pride story thing from the library recommendations. This sunday, while donating platlets, I finished The Future was Color. I loved the last eighth of the book. This may have been the first time in a while I thought about death in an overwhelmingly optimistic way. Not the optimistic where the world is better off without me and by me dying I can no longer be a burden/embarassment on those I care about. More like optimistic in the fact that chance and improbabilities have brought us all together and we should live wonderfully with each other while we can. Also it touches on how much of a ripple/impact one person can have on another for better or worse. The other 7/8ths felt like it was going nowhere. I didn't expect this book to be an erotica but man, anything involving gay stuff felt passionless. It didn't feel like a straight guy wrote it but more like a gay person who's never had sex and has contempt for the act. Am I allowed to read that much into it? Well, its more thoughtprovoking than what was in the book I'll say that for sure. Ultimately, this book is not worth reading and a message like that could be delivered through something better like, I dunno, Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. This is what I get for trying to be open minded for Pride month. I did also check out a comic about gender and it's interesting. I think the art is super bland, lacks any and all teeth, but the real life interview parts are interesting.
I read in a Hana Vu interview today how she said life is like a choose your own adventure book with how you choose to perceive things with a given attitude. Romanticism, her 2024 album, is full of moments that can be taken a certain way. I've secretly been takening notes and trying to write songs on the side so this insight is quite valuable to me.
Hana Vu says she really doesn't feel like she belongs to this generation or any generation, she hardly feels like she qualifies as a human on this planet and honestly, so true. I kind of feel that gap of allienation widening as I grow older. Its secretly a good thing. I will not elaborate.
Ideally, I would like to make songs loosely based off my life, mostly fiction, and have them be funny with some darkness added. I feel like Cheekface is the closest example I can think of but I also want things to sound a bit more raw and loose. Its a work in progress, but its interesting slowly discovering a new outlet to express myself/art. I will admit, learning a new instrument has been H E L L I S H
I left my sketchbook with my therapy notes in it at work over the weekend so I could only practice so much of the new stuff. I'm getting better at fighting the more aggressive thoughts regarding my body. I mean, I know I am not where I want to be but I'm getting better about balancing that thought with the idea that I want to still attain a better body. Its a practice. I feel kind of weird balancing and working through these ideas but I'm sure it will get easier.
Speaking of sketchbook, I am now burning through the pages twice as fast as my obsessive need to talk and draw has resurfaced. That and I want a new sketchbook to work in. I love you Mxmtoon, your minecraft boyfriend story that somehow did not end up being a grooming story by your good fortune, your smiling friends impressions,your Taco Bell commercial that only 1% of your fanbase knows about, your funny tiktoks (my fav being the one where you're standing to cricket sound effects because China never discovered the "Prom Dress" trend), but this sketchbook with the cover made from upcycled posters from your Masquarade tour has been awful to work in. It will not stay open and the deeper one works in it, the more rigid it gets. How awful!!!! I miss my moleskine! I will get one once I finish!
This week, I believe is the classic games fest. I'll try to go. One year I didn't go because I was too depressed. Last year I went even though I felt awful in my body. I ended up making a friend with a person I said I would go to concerts with if I ever had an opening. I added them on my main insta but then had to deactivate shortly after because the nicole situation had my mood in the black zone and I was really planning on doing something bad in Ogden. I did not want my social media up when it(original plan) happened. I can't believe I put Colorado friend and Stef through that. I can't keep doing this to them. I will go to that fun game convention and I won't be stopped by my brain again!!!
THis new Tyler album has me wanting to move until my body is a walking pipecleaner person of pure energy. So hot, so lizard. Let's boogie please, it may just change your life!