No big attacks this week. Since my last appointment I've been making sure to practice everything I've learned daily. I know it should be obvious but I never thought about all of these self-care actions as a practice before. Things are certainly getting easier in that regard. I'm actively making more time for myself to draw, journal, just whatever so I can process whatever happened in the day. Its nice. While I do like to share, and I do frequently, I like how a lot of these doodles and reflections are a huge secret. Kind of reminds me about what Sentimental Trash used to be. Speaking of.
I have started to avoid instagram more. I'll go every now and again since its the only way I can connect with a few people, but lately its been too stressful. The reason is stupid, so I won't type it. Not for you dear reader. Before leaving I did make sure to make a small post for Kaitlyn who recently had a birthday. Its embedded with several inside jokes.
Expanded more regarding my instaspam, I finally blocked nicole and her art account. The accounts would frequently show up in my search results as if we were still friends and it would make me sad every time. They would also appear in the "accounts to follow" section. sigh. I do not need that in my life and given how she has never spoken to me again after 6/25/24, I doubt she cares too. I'm going to be a little mean for a moment, okay? Okay. Her art account is basically dead right now. I would like to take complete credit for its demise. I didn't really do anything, but much like in my art print that she owns, "Suffocate," its not about what you have that kills you but what you lack. No one would have loved and supported the work more than me, and while some people liked it, I didn't see anyone love it. That's all I'm saying.
This saturday I set my sights for Arlington for reasons that will be written in the concert notes section. On my way there I plan to plant copies of, George Clanton Ate My Son, across various locations. Hopefully someone likes it.
I'm treating this page about cutting like a small journal but it's necessary. I need to be constantly doing something or else I'll be miserable, as I've come to find out these past few months. Something doesn't always mean a concert. It can be drawing, writing, visiting places, seeing friends, going on a walk, exercise, etc, etc. But the "wake up, go to work, go to sleep" cycle I previously found myself in is no way to live.
Writing also helps me remember things. Especially when I read things back or retype all of them. Again, this whole getting better thing is an active practice, not passive. i can't be on cruise control again and expect things to somehow get better, but I feel like I may be winning this time.
My next appointment is on Wednesday. I may reduce the appointments to once a month. We'll see. Each one is 100 per visit. 200 a month. Nothing in my life save for a few other things is 200 a month. But it is working, so I can justify it. But also I'm trying to save up so I can leave my job and go back to school. I'll figure something out.
Ideas, ideas, ideas.